Friday, July 04, 2008

Patricia Johnson Adair, March 31, 1932 - July 3, 2008

Our dear mother Patio passed away this evening, at 11:48 p.m. on Thursday, July 3. After lots of interaction these last eight days in hospice, she started to withdraw yesterday, but she did manage a clear smile for her granddaughter Courtney just hours before she died. Her breath became more and more shallow, until Mike and I could barely tell if she was breathing. We could see the pulse in her neck, and then that, too, faded and stopped. It made me wonder where she went. After a lifetime of identifying her as being in this body, now that the body remains but Mom is nowhere to be found, it just makes me wonder.

I have so many powerful "Mom" memories, of course, but one that always stuck with me goes back to when I was 13. I was sure that I was a young man, by that point, having stepped out from under Mom's wing, and I was going to face the world like a man should - resolute and strong. I was swimming at our neighbor's pool, and when I went down the slide I tried to grab my friend underneath the slide, which drove my head hard into the bottom of the pool. (Yes, that does explain a lot, thanks for noticing.) I stumbled out of the pool and mom was there, with a towel, clutching me to her breast. I was mortified and astounded by how unbelievably comforting that was. The warmth of that embrace washed over me, and for the young stud that I aspired to be (and never achieved) it revealed a powerful truth: there's something special about Mom, and your relationship doesn't just change because you decide it should.

My relationship with Mom has deepened so much over these last months of caring for her, and I'm so glad that I was able to. It made it easier that she was so appreciative. My love for her grew by the day, and I didn't need to turn her into some kind of faultless saint for that to happen. (She happens to be one, but that's a coincidence!)

I'd like to ask you for a favor - write a comment at the bottom of this blog entry (here), if you want, about Mom. Share some stories or thoughts or just wish her well. It would mean a lot to Mike and I, but also, I think, to others who cared about her.

Mom is going to be cremated, and we'll have a memorial service, but not immediately. Keep an eye on this blog for more information. Thank you to everyone who loved our mother. We learned a lot this last week about how many people had deep feelings for her.

Much love,
Dave (and Mike)

Posted By Dave Adair to for Pat Adair, and the people who love her... at 7/04/2008 02:02:00 AM