Monday, July 10, 2006

True Crimes: "Is looses of sexual organs curable?"

I flipped open a "True Crimes" magazine here, filled with sordid details of people who had been "done to death" and others who were "so much feeling horrified by the misdeeds." The real crime was the brutalization of the English language, the mangle-ization of which I happen to love. Still, it was informative. I didn't know, for example, that one of the female sexual disorders was "repeat birth of female children," or that "most of the people ignorantly spoil their semen excessively." Who knew?

I've included some of the most mangled and/or informative bits for your reading pleasure below. The whole magazine wasn't this bad - if it was I would have bought a subscription.

I tried to keep every spelling and punctuation error just as it is in the magazine:

Q: Is looses of sexual organs curable?
A: Use VIGORA High Power can strengthen the flashy part of sexual organs also cure looseness and and weakness. This is a solution to the entire problem.
Q: I am 38. My belly has swelled too much. Any remedy to this infection?
A: Do some exercise. Also use 3 vial course of FATCOM. Which removes unwanted fats from the body.
Q: My husband always looks at other women. Now I have to go to my mother place for one month. Do you have any medicine which can stop his sex?
A: There is no such medicine. He is sexy because he loves you. It is normal for a men to look at other women. Do not worry too much. No woman can capture a man's interest for ever. This is human sexual nature.
Q: My problem is that I don't get any satisfaction during sex with my husband. I am also suffering from discharge and backpain. What should I do?
A: All your problems are because you are not satisfied during intercourse. Your husband is either a premature ejaculator or you are having relationship problem. You can purchase Female Vibrator from us, which can give you orgasmic pleasure.
"We have developed special Breasto massage paste for ladies to improve breatline, beautiful heavy round firm up breasts muscles and improvement in figure health."
May your flashy bits be, uhh, flashy! But not too flashy...